A Concrete Use of One’s Education

I have been working on a short story for the past several weeks – a cause for rejoicing in itself, I agree. However, what has pleased me almost more than my recent creative productivity is the fact that I have at last found a use for my four years of college education.

You see, as a fledgling scholar, I am in the habit of saving all of my intellectual product (that is, my scholarly papers and other homework assignments) for future perusal and improvement. However, now that I am a penniless newlywed, I have press-ganged all of the hard copies of my papers for a higher cause. One evening it occurred to me that my entire scholarly corpus was only printed on one side of the page. Since this epiphany, I have been printing my story drafts on the reverse side of analyses of W.S. Merwin and Sherwood Anderson, et. al.

Not only does this provide a delightful opportunity for nostalgia, but when I am frustrated that my fiction is rocky, I can ‘bolster my esteem’ with the following:

69/75. Good resources here. You make a number of general stylistic claims that really need to be illustrated but aren’t, perhaps because you’ve taken a bit too much authority from critical assessments of the work in general.

Or

93. Good job. This provides a very workable intro to EB. I might have wished for a bit more attention to some specific poems.

Or

This paragraph doesn’t seem to hold together very well. It seems to abruptly shift from Poe’s fondness of the puzzle to the psychoanalytic discussion without clearly establishing the connections.

And I feel satisfied that I am at once being green by reusing paper products as well as providing a concrete use of my education. At least I won’t have to buy any paper until well into next year. Also, it pleases me to no end to line through my hours of mental anguish in favor of writing something real on the reverse.

No Customers Yet

Since the bookstore where I work is not yet open (the Grand Opening is this Friday), I have been sadly short of amusing customer anecdotes.  I can, however, assure you that my coworkers are almost as amusing as their fellows on the other side of the counter.  For instance – and I hope you will indulge my amusement at the expense of the older generation – a lady with grandchildren – inquired, quite earnestly, during the digital aspect of our training, “What is an upload?  Is it like a download except backwards?”

Yes, actually, it is.  A download is when files go from the internet to your computer, and an upload is when files go from your computer to the internet.

And, “What’s an MP3?  Do you use it with aTunes?”

An MP3 is a music file.  You can play them with a music software program that is actually called iTunes.

But what I wonder is how this person will really be able to help customers who want any product that will require her to use search software to locate.  I really do think that some level of computer literacy – and I’ll even grant you an ignorance of technical terminology – is required for any kind of customer service these days. Scenario:

“Why isn’t the search program opening?”

… You have to double click.

On a brighter note, we sell the very awesome Sony Reader.  I don’t want to own one, being still too much enamored of the ink-on-paper idea, but I did enjoy playing with it today.

Psalm 20

When I was a freshman in college, my mother sent me off with a small white teddy-bear wearing an embroidered sweater that says: “PSALM 20.  Love, Mom.”  As I was packing up a bookshelf, I came across him perched in a corner, and my eyes went (well, all right, perhaps pridefully) to my diploma displayed above my desk.  Verses four and five of Psalm 20 say

May He grant you your heart’s desire
And fulfill all your counsel!

We will sing for joy over your victory,
And in the name of our God we will set up our banners.
May the Lord fulfill all your petitions.

[I’ve always amused myself by imagining a sinister overtone to “We will sing for joy over your victory:” as if I had no choice but to graduate in order for others to be glad about it.  But of course this was not the meaning.]

A footnote in the NASB kindly tells me that counsel might also mean purpose, as in, “May He…fulfill all your purpose.”  It also suggests that the banners may have been ‘the troop standards around which the units rallied.’  I have difficulty envisioning the success or victory of a college graduation meriting this kind of exaltation, or even exultation.  The verses seem rather something that ought to be said about a person’s whole life: This is a someone whose victorious example – whose life’s purpose – others might rally around.  One’s counsel certainly does not end with a bachelor’s, so I’ll hold the gift in trust for later, hoping that in time others might take joy in a life lived with (very) quiet Christlikeness.

An excellent reminder.  But not yet.

So I packed the little bear in a box full of scarves and socks, and a fuzzy brown rabbit from Ireland, and a pair of knitting needles and some CDs and a miscellaneous computer wire.

How to Write a Killer Thank-You Note

Remember these things before you start.

• Never write in pencil or in pen that smears.
• Make certain to spell everyone’s name correctly.
• Spend more time talking about the other person instead of yourself.
• Try to be as genuine as possible; that is, mean what you’re saying, or else sound like it.
• You don’t have to write in calligraphy, but you do have to be legible.
• Don’t address all your envelopes first: you will put the wrong cards in the wrong envelopes, and that’s embarrassing.
• Always put the stamp on last.  If you make a mistake, you won’t have wasted it.

Here is the Divine Four Sentence Formula:

Dear [Person],

1. Thank you very much for the [specific description of item, i.e. generous graduation check, orange crocheted potholders, Brave Saint Saturn CD.]
2. Your generosity makes [event for gift-giving, i.e. graduation, Christmas, birthday] feel special.
3. This sentence is a description of how you will use the gift, i.e. I’m going to use the money during my trip to Massachusetts, The potholder will make my kitchen look distinctive, I love listening to the CD in my car on the way to work every morning.
4. Thanks again! Or, See you soon [be specific, i.e. at grandma’s house on Friday, next Christmas, at the park].

Best, / Love, / Cheers, [avoid Sincerely, as it sound stodgy,] You

I know it’s rather a lot of writing, but with this formula, or restrained variations of it, you can never fail.  Trust me, I’ve written more than sixty thank-you notes in the last three months.  I’m heartily sick of them, as you might imagine.  I really am grateful for what I’ve received; I just wish “Thanks a bunch” could be more easily communicated, you know?  I’ve been tempted to write,

Dear Relative, Thank you so much for the twenty dollars.  It was a very generous birthday gift.  I’ve already spent it buying cards and stamps to thank everyone else for their cooler presents.  Thanks for helping me be courteous.  Best, Kelly

No!  Down!  Bad, sarcastic Kelly.  Go to your room and think about what you’ve done.