Seven quirks

Seven Quirks about This Writer, Rarely Discussed

With apologies to Ann Beattie and The Book Bench.

1. The best writing happens while wearing pajamas, sitting up in bed, smothered in blankets, with a cup of tea at hand. Two hours under these circumstances can produce in excess of two thousand words, which will probably get tossed away later, as this writer is a gleeful and unabashed draft writer.
2. In the event that writing in bed is impossible, writing at the desk in pajamas and a bathrobe can sometimes produce the same psychological effects of comfort, security, and ease. Tea is still required.
3. Most writing of any length is performed on the computer, with Microsoft Word as the processor of choice. Pages are numbered in the top right corner, and Times New Roman (size twelve, double spaced) demonstrates the influence that this writer’s academic career has had on her formatting preferences.
4. In the absence of a computer, creative work is recorded in the writer’s Moleskine, of which she is filling her eighth. Her pen of choice is a black Sharpie pen, since it has a fine point and does not smear or soak through the page. She writes about two hundred words to the page, in ugly handwriting that is a blend of print and cursive. The words may be unattractive, but she likes the look of pages that are full.
5. The writer rarely eats while writing, preserving food as a reward when writing goals are completed. Favorite snacks are Dove dark chocolates, of which she consumes only two per day. Panera Bread is also an acceptable prize for significant achievements. Sometimes she will even allow herself a cookie.
6. The writer cannot abide wide-ruled paper, or reporter-style notebooks that open from the top.
7. Early drafts of stories are readily discarded. The writer feels that it is no business of posterity’s that she chose to rename the protagonist four times and that she excised the entire first paragraph and replaced the word “verily” with “in truth.” She enjoys frustrating graduate students of the future who lack dissertation subjects. They will simply have to read the published versions and be satisfied.