I was in a locally owned coffee shop this morning, a really nice place that shares its location with upscale secondhand furniture, of which patrons can avail themselves while studying and sipping some chai. My zen-like productivity experience was destroyed, however, by my fellow customers’ and even the shop’s failure to observe these five simple rules.
- Please do not play bad Christian music. I’m glad you’re playing Christian music, but let’s keep it to songs written in the last decade, and no choruses.
- Please do not hum to the Christian music. Especially not off-key. Especially not loudly. Especially not for all three hours that I’m there.
- Please do not have a long and loud conversation on your cellphone. Other patrons do not care whether the files were or were not received in a timely manner. Also, you are not an ostrich. Just because you can’t see us doesn’t mean we can’t hear you.
- Please do not spontaneously sing “Happy Birthday” to Jeremiah. Jeremiah was clearly not having his birthday party at your coffee shop, so there is no need to go on about it. People who do not know Jeremiah should not feel the need to join in.
- Please do not play your guitar. Other people are working, plus there is already way too much music happening. A coffee shop is not a recording studio. Shall I repeat myself? A coffee shop is not a recording studio.
If humanity would just observe these simple rules, or even, say, half of them on any given day, I would be inclined to revisit said local coffee shop. Unfortunately, guitar girl was the Last Straw, and I have officially brushed the dust off of my sandals or whatever metaphor of moving on will suit your cultural and/or religious ideologies.
When I am angry, I speak in a flat voice and use long words.
Mostly About Books 