Job Woes

I have applied to work at five places near where I will be moving:  a transfer within the company where I currently sell books, a competitor bookstore, Library #1, and two positions at Library #2.

• I have successfully transferred, but the money isn’t great, or even very good.
• After finally getting a real person at Library #1, I am told that the position I applied for was filled.
• After calling Human Resources for the second time, I am told that both Library #2 positions are still available, and that my application has no notes on it, which means I’m still in the running.
• I have an interview with Competitor this afternoon.

At the very least, all this means that I have a little job, but that I would like a slightly better job and don’t know whether I’ll get one.  Alas.  May I now inform the world that I am beautiful, intelligent, and more than qualified to work in your store or library due to my Bachelor’s in English.

Please hire me.