How to Write a Killer Thank-You Note

Remember these things before you start.

• Never write in pencil or in pen that smears.
• Make certain to spell everyone’s name correctly.
• Spend more time talking about the other person instead of yourself.
• Try to be as genuine as possible; that is, mean what you’re saying, or else sound like it.
• You don’t have to write in calligraphy, but you do have to be legible.
• Don’t address all your envelopes first: you will put the wrong cards in the wrong envelopes, and that’s embarrassing.
• Always put the stamp on last.  If you make a mistake, you won’t have wasted it.

Here is the Divine Four Sentence Formula:

Dear [Person],

1. Thank you very much for the [specific description of item, i.e. generous graduation check, orange crocheted potholders, Brave Saint Saturn CD.]
2. Your generosity makes [event for gift-giving, i.e. graduation, Christmas, birthday] feel special.
3. This sentence is a description of how you will use the gift, i.e. I’m going to use the money during my trip to Massachusetts, The potholder will make my kitchen look distinctive, I love listening to the CD in my car on the way to work every morning.
4. Thanks again! Or, See you soon [be specific, i.e. at grandma’s house on Friday, next Christmas, at the park].

Best, / Love, / Cheers, [avoid Sincerely, as it sound stodgy,] You

I know it’s rather a lot of writing, but with this formula, or restrained variations of it, you can never fail.  Trust me, I’ve written more than sixty thank-you notes in the last three months.  I’m heartily sick of them, as you might imagine.  I really am grateful for what I’ve received; I just wish “Thanks a bunch” could be more easily communicated, you know?  I’ve been tempted to write,

Dear Relative, Thank you so much for the twenty dollars.  It was a very generous birthday gift.  I’ve already spent it buying cards and stamps to thank everyone else for their cooler presents.  Thanks for helping me be courteous.  Best, Kelly

No!  Down!  Bad, sarcastic Kelly.  Go to your room and think about what you’ve done.

The Pleasure of My Company

Steve Martin’s second novel is as hilarious as he is, although not quite as hilarious as his wonderful memoir, Born Standing Up, which is significant coming from me, who almost always prefers fiction on principle. But The Pleasure of My Company is a book for a summer afternoon, light, comic, and requiring as much time to read as it takes to finish a tall glass of lemonade.

Martin’s main character, Daniel Pecan Cambridge, suffers moderate OCD whose quirks include, but are not limited to, counting and alphabetizing, requiring 1125 volts of light in his apartment to be on at all times, and a phobia of crossing curbs. He is also hilariously inept at reading body language and becomes involved despite himself in the lives of Philipa and Brian who live upstairs, Elizabeth the realtor of the apartment complex across the street, Zandy the pharmacist at Rite Aid, and Clarissa the intern shrink who visits Daniel on Tuesdays and Fridays at 2:00 pm. If the book is a touch sophomoric, it is, at 163 pages, not sophomoric for very long.

It ends as you would expect a comedy to end: transitioning from disorder to order, from separation to connection, from confusion to understanding…and it ends in marriage. Funny, charming, witty [it references Zeno’s tortoise], and also involving magic squares, The Pleasure of My Company is pleasurable company indeed.